Supporting Your Child Through Tragedy

Being a parent is a tough enough job for anyone on any given day. Having to be responsible for another human life and worrying if that child is fed, bathed, getting enough sleep, healthy, growing and developing, and happy can be the most enjoyable and the most difficult of challenges a caretaker may endure. 

On top of the everyday “normal” stress that comes with this role, we now add on the pure devastation and emotional trauma that comes along with being part of today’s society. As much as we wish we could shield our children from difficult and scary situations, it is inevitable that they will hear, see, or be exposed to the stories that are being shared. So now the question that comes to mind is, “What do we say as parents, caretakers, educators, and role models to children to help them understand, cope, and process the unthinkable?”

This is a question that has endless answers. There is no right or wrong way to talk to your child. The most important thing to keep in mind is that each child is unique in their age, developmental level, experiences, and personality traits. There is no script to read from, even though we wish there was, for such tragic situations. 

It is essential that you support your child the way you know best. Spend time with them, listen to their questions, answer their questions as openly and honestly as possible, and don’t be afraid to show your emotions. Children pick up on adults’ social and emotional verbal and non-verbal cues. They are a lot smarter than many give them credit for. The only way we can help educate the future leaders of this world is to help prepare them appropriately for the world we live in. 

As a parent, our job is to love, support, educate, and protect our children. Sometimes, the best way to do this is by being honest. Children will encounter numerous difficult situations and people in their lives that will challenge them in many ways. Use this as an opportunity to talk about what it means to be a good, solid human being, and how there are people in this world who do not live by the same standards. 

It is also important to bring up all the wonderful people out there who work very hard on a daily basis to protect, support, and keep our communities safe. You may encourage your child to share their feelings, listen, and then validate those feelings. It may also be helpful to have them draw pictures of family or friends involved, and then have them talk about their drawings. Sometimes children don’t always share their feelings verbally, but their feelings will come out in different ways. 

It is important to be extra attentive to your child and make sure there are no changes in their behavior or daily routine that would be of concern. If children ask about extra security they see, you may simply and calmly share that police, firefighters, and security guards are here to protect us and keep us safe. 

I wish there was more advice, language, and answers to provide; however, tough situations take time for any of us to process. Just keep in mind these key points. This is a tragedy that affects many more than the immediate community, the injured, and those who have lost loved ones. It will make children afraid, and many parents fear for their own and their children’s safety. It will sadden us all. We will be at a loss to understand how anyone could come to be the target of such incomprehensible violence. 

In times of tragedy, we need to join together and support one another through recovery. Stay calm, listen to your child, answer questions using developmentally appropriate language, and expect your child to ask similar questions over and over again. Make your child feel as safe as you can by continuing their daily routine and try not to have the news broadcasting all day. 

Situations like this are literally a nightmare and there is nothing more unsettling than feeling out of control or unable to keep your family safe. But while we are forever changed, we are not defeated.